Progress

This middle guy wakes me up in the most creative ways, this weekend he found this mask and wanted to "nicely" scare me awake to play with him.

 My mom was able to enjoy playing Grandma for the weekend and the kids filled her time with board games.  Saturday afternoon was a game of Life.  It was funny to hear them talk about having babies and asking the rest of us if we were paid when we had babies.  They also wanted to know if we made as much money as they did on their pay days.

Kaden is learning how to write his name.  While Hyrum works on his homework, Kaden practices writing his name.  He is getting to the point where he doesn't always want to trace but instead write it on his own.  He is much better with upper case than lower case, but I am grateful for the progress he has made since the start of the year!

Color Me Rad

This last weekend I took the boys up to Austin to my brother's house for the 5k Color Me Rad Color Run.  I ended up seeing a lot of people I knew from here in San Antonio.  The pictures below are in random order.

My friend Allen and me.  He would run ahead and then wait at each color station while I cheered Hyrum along.

Hyrum was having a hard day during the run, he had stayed up way too late playing with his cousins the night before and was complaining that he was going to die and that his feet would fall off the e-n-t-i-r-e way.  Allen told him that when he made it to the end that he would carry him across the finish line, enter exhibit A, above.

When the color run was finished, Hyrum thought it was the coolest, most difficult thing he had ever done in his entire life.

Robbie & April pushed Kaden and Maya in the stroller.

April & me at the end.  I look smurfed thanks to me promising Hyrum that if he would stop complaining he could color me up as much as he wanted.  I ended up with a left eye full of blue and a right eye full of green.  But, we survived and I learned a lesson that I can encourage a whiney kid for 3.1 miles and still have a smile on my face and enjoy myself.

This pretty much sums up the look of death I was given during the run!

After the race, all chalked up and ready to go home.

Within minutes of loading up in the car all the kids were sound asleep!

Pre race with our clean white shirts.  Quinten and Tristan stayed behind with Grandma.  They were sure surprised to see us so dirty when we got home.

Noah vs Hyrum, who was the most colorful?

1. Looking back, I think I still would have signed Hyrum up to do this run.  He needs to know that he can do hard things and that everything in life isn't perfect while we are progressing through it, but in the end there can still be a smile and we can have made fun memories along the way.

Warm December

December has been extremely warm this year.  We have been enjoying playing at the school park many afternoons and having a change of scenery from out cozy little house.  I am grateful to not have to wear coats and jackets here.  It actually got cold here this morning and though I am enjoying being able to wear long sleeves, I miss the bright sunshine!

Kayaking Boerne Lake

I decided last Wednesday that it had been too long since I had taken the boys out to do something fun.  Lately my adventures have been happening when they are at their Dad's house....  So, while Hyrum was at school I loaded up the kayaks so that when he got off the bus he would be surprised and we would be ready to take off.  The afternoon couldn't have gone smoother and we had a lot of fun!  We were out on the water at sunset and TinTin fell asleep as we drove home at 5:45 and didn't want up until the following morning.  Best idea I have had in a long time.

This was Kaden & Quinten's first time out in the kayaks.  I have taken Hyrum a few times by himself.

Quinten after all his begging to go kayaking was not his fearless self and was actually scared being out there.  I don't think it helped that Hyrum told him and Kaden about sharks and piranas on the drive out there.

Hyrum & Kaden figured out how to go out together.  Hyrum with a full length paddle and Kaden with a half paddle.

The smiles and images from this day are forever engrained in my memory.  The boys were so appreciative and said thank you so much.  They knew that I was taking time away from studying for finals to make this fun afternoon possible!

November recap

Sometimes my kids help me realize how much healing has come in my life.  I love my boys so much.  I try to help them be better people.  The boys had the opportunity to spend time with Kyle Thanksgiving this year.  During this time they were able to attend Kyle & Gretchen's wedding.  They were able to spend time with Kyle's family who came into town for the event.  Tonight at 6 pm I finally got them back.  I was so excited.  They seem to have grown so much in the 11 days since I have last seen them.  They are just as energetic as I remember them.  I love these little guys so much.  TinTin was excited to show me his skinny jeans and asked me to take a picture of him bum as soon as he got home.

Aftern dinner, baths,and books Kaden asked if we could take a picture so he could remember this day forever because he loves me so much.

 And this crazy little guy had his bath, he went in my closet and pulled out some heels and started prancing around the upstairs giggling and saying "wiggle my hips, shake my hips."  It's a good thing he likes so many boyish things as well.  I am grateful for the smiles and laughter they all bring into my life.

Hyrum at bedtime tonight was sad and had a worried look on his face.  After getting the littles to sleep, I laid down next to him to read James & The Giant Peach with him and talk.  I asked him why he was sad and upset and that he should be excited and happy since he just had a fun week off of school.  Hyrum told me that he is sad that his dad and I are not married.  He is worried that I have no one to make me happy.  We got to talking more and I tried to help him to realize that his dad deserves to be happy and that I am happy.  I helped him realize that just because his dad is remarried doesn't mean that he has to stop loving me, that he in fact is lucky because he has more people who he gets to love and who love him.  It was sad to see his feelings of being torn in being excited for his dad and worrying about hurting me.  The thing that I kept trying to emphasize is that him being excited for his dad and Gretchen is a good thing, and it is ok if he comes home excited about their marriage, it doesn't hurt my feelings.  Hopefully this will be a turning point for Hyrum and he can finally accept the fact that Kyle & I will never be together ever again.  I am sad for my kids, especially Hyrum though that at the age of 8 he has to process all these feelings and emotions and he isn't able to just be an innocent child and that he has had to grow up so soon.  It was also a great learning time for me as a parent to help him try to grasp the concept that everyone deserves to be happy and that some people choose to be happy and that others think they have to find their happiness.

I am wrapping up my first semester of school.  I have managed to keep straight As so far, sometimes by the skin of my teeth, but I am pulling it off.  I have been having fun dating a few new people here and there and learning what I really want in a guy.  I have been working on making Christmas presents for my boys.  I have found a new school that will allow me to get the same degree but graduate much sooner because of the way they offer their classes.  I should be able to graduate Spring 2014 if I push myself hard or if I take a more lax schedule I will be done Summer 2014.  I am counting down these last 2 weeks of school and then finals before my month long break.  I am excited for a chance to spend more time with my kids and not stay up late studying.  I am excited to see where the next few months take me.  I am re-learning some hobbies that I enjoyed before and am also continuing my travels.  No big trips are in the works as of now, but the little trips are lots of fun!

Almost Thanksgiving!

Day20

Today I am thankful for my house and the comforts in it. After being homeless for awhile this year, having a secure roof over my head and a place to call my own is wonderful! I love knowing I have my own bed to crawl in to at night and food and covers to keep me warm at night. The other things are great and wonderful and I am thankful for the people who took my boys and I in....but there is something about being an adult and being able to provide for basic needs independent of others!

Day 19

Today my real thankful is for Stewart Cramer (AKA Possible Uncle Stu.) He makes my sister Tia happy like no one else has - even though he jokes about common law marriage I know one day he will marry her because he loves her.... loves the crazy Zoey dog.... and will skype with my boys at any time he is home....builds a mean sand castle.... can be serious but is more playful and fun.... allows me to sleep in his office and use his pillow and blanket when I show up at a few hours notice from a foreign country.... and is coming for Christmas this year with my sister and her dog. Let the fun begin!

Day 18

Today I'm thankful for my Aunt Gerane. Today she passed away but at least she is finally with her parents and siblings with whom she has missed for years!  Her funeral is this Saturday in Malad, Idaho.  She was the last of the Apgoods around and even though she had a pretty painless death thanks to the comforts of medicines in the hospital, I could not imagine having a broken leg, pneumonia, rapid heart rate along with her memory problems from all her mini strokes.  This picture was from the last time I got to see her alive, she had been moved out of her home into an assisted living facility and luckily remembered who I was.  She did not remember that I had moved out of Utah years before, but at least she seemed content in her life.  I am so glad that she is not with her MaMa and Daddy as she called them and for the years that I spent living close to her in Ogden.  I learned so many things about my own Mom's dad (my grandpa) who passed away when I was a baby.  You will be missed Gerane, but I am sure you are racing around in heaven without your cane.  I will always remember her playing ball with Hyrum and having an unlimited supply of sodas and hi-c juice boxes in her fridge.  I loved that she would take us out to eat for dinner when it was a true treat for us, and that she helped me slow down my own life and enjoy scenic drives through the country.  Visits to Utah will not be the same without going to her house on 20th Street but I am glad to know she finally got her wish to be with her family once again!

Thanksgiving

Day 17

Today I am thankful for Christmas and the time I get to enjoy the holidays with my boys and the much needed break from school I will get.

Day 16

Today I'm thanks full for no class on Fridays. I somehow managed to luck into this next semester too. And I'm thankful to figure out my degree plan and realize I can graduate summer 2014! A year and a half and I shouldn't even have to kill myself to do it!

Day 15

Today I am thankful for the cafeteria workers at the boys school, they save their favorite cereals for them and pull them out with a smile on days when we are running late so there are no melt downs....it's the little things! It doesn't matter if they know English or not, they know my boys and their favorites!

Day 14

Today I am thankful for the mail man. I might not check the mail every day, but it is awesome when I do and there are packages and real letters inside!

 

Day 13

Today I'm grateful for wool socks and heaters. I don't know how I survived cold winters.

Day 12

Today I'm grateful for modern medicine and not having to have sick kids forever.  Quinten has strep yet again...one more time and get gets his tonsils taken out.

 

Day 11

Today I'm thankful for all the people who help me with my kids during church. Without these friends I honesty don't think I would make it with my boys. So thank you a million times over!! 
We also got to see Sierra a few more times before she took off for Korea, we loved the time we got to spend with her!

Day 10

Today I'm thankful I can cherish the moments and other days I cherish the idea that they rush by.

Day 9

Today I am thankful for my parents for encouraging me and helping me through high school way back when....you never know when the past will come back to help you!!  I have been able to qualify for some merit based grants this year in school....it is nice to know that my knowledge can help me and not just my poor financial status.

Day 8

Today I'm grateful for my boys babysitter. Sam is awesome and even puts up with being called Samuel from TinTin. It's nice knowing that even though I can't be the one with them all day that they have someone responsible who plays with them and keeps them safe!

Day 7

Today I'm grateful to be a Texan. If we want to secede we can be our own country again!  I also love that it is warm here on Halloween, this was the costume change Kaden had to make because his original costume was too hot.

Day 6

Today I'm grateful for daylight savings time. It means that I can be a night owl and not feel so bad about the time I go to sleep and waking up at o'dark thirty is now o'light thirty!

Day 5

Today I am grateful for April because she joined my family today as her and my brother are married!! Welcome to the craziness of the Buchanans April!!  I am excited to get to spend Thanksgiving with them.

Day 4

Today I am grateful for Sundays at 6. I might grumble about the time occasionally, but when it comes down to it, there is nothing like my 3 ring circus making it home safe and getting to spend time with them.

Thankful

It's November, the month of Thanksgiving, I am going to post on here things I am thankful for.  To catch my blog up, here are the things from the last few days I posted on Facebook.

Day 3     Today I am grateful for the last year of my life. A year ago last night my life changed dramatically and surprisingly with all I've been through I can still say its for the better. I've met so many wonderful new people and grown closer to many of those I already knew. Love each day to the fullest, enjoy the now, and look to the future with hope!

Day 2     Today I'm thankful for my voice. After sounding like a 14 year old boy with a cracking voice mixed with Hannah Montana all week it's nice to have it back! I'm also thankful for air conditioning. One really appreciates things more when they break and you don't have them.

Day 1     Today I am thankful for a B on my muscle test considering the class average was F. If only I could spell muscle names I would have had an A. But still I'm thankful! 

Latest Trick

One of my favorite tricks these days when I know the boys are exhausted but refuse to go to sleep because it isn't 7:45 is to change the clock an hour ahead.  With the sun going down earlier they don't know the difference and usually will fall asleep fast.  In theory this should get me to bed an hour earlier too, but alas I only day dream about dreaming.

Tonight's late night project is finishing up Halloween costumes.  Quinten will be a skeleton - done just bought the glow in the dark pajamas at Old Navy and white face paint.  Kaden wants to be a scuba diver - have all the parts just waiting on the spray paint to dry so I can assemble it all together.  Hyrum wants to be a ninja - everything is almost ready to be put together. It is fun finding little outlets for my creative side to show again as I have been so wrapped up in studying.

Crazy Days & Long Nights

There are days when I wonder how I am going to get all of my school work done. I am not a huge procrastinator and yet it seems like there are new group assignments or new homework assignments that need to be turned in on top of the already crazy work load I have. Then to add to the mix there are days when my boys decide it would be great to turn on the hose and "wash" the living room - thus putting a good inch or so of water in it. Last night they decided that the shampoo bottle needed to be dumped out to make a bubble storm. They tried to clean it up with a tube of brand new toothpaste. You might ask where I am during all of these adventures. I am there, but I seem to be a step behind in cleaning up the messes. I am trying to figure out how to be present in my children's lives without being a slave to their imaginative ways? 

Last week when Heidi was in town we took the boys to Chuck E Cheese and this is how Quinten's creative brain worked.  He would put the token in the carriage and instead of riding in the pumpkin part he decided he wanted to ride the horse as it was moving too.  Kaden saw and thought it was a fun idea as well though he was a little bit more uncomfortable as he is bigger.  There was a little girl who was loving all the free rides she was able to take in Cinderella's carriage thanks to him.  It seemed to be a win-win situation for all.

These are my favorite 3 boys in the entire world!!  Heidi was able to capture this picture thanks to a sucker bribe.  Even though there are days that are crazy and I wish things would be a little bit easier, I try to remember that one day I will miss the days of them being little and so much work.  I love watching them learn and be the active little boys that they are.  One perk to being constantly on the move, today I was able to cinch in my belt another notch!  Soon enough this semester will be over and I should hopefully have straight A's.  Then the nights of little sleep and studying will be worth it.

Goals

Setting goals is important in life.  Not only serious practical goals, but fun ones as well.  I made a goal to go on 30 trips while I was 30.  This weekend I completed my goal!  Some were huge trips, others were short day trips, but it was fun and I surprised myself with how quickly I completed this goal.  Last night as I was driving home from my friend's house I set a new goal for myself.  It is a strange yet fun goal....

I want to eat at 30 hole in the wall places/stands while I am 30.  It shouldn't be too hard to complete this but I am going to make sure and take a  picture of each place and post it on the side to make the tally a little more interesting.  If you ever finda place you think I should try, let me know!

**Changing this goal to just 30 new places to eat, I am sure there will be some random places, but just making it 30 new places.

Life's Lessons Learned

I have learned some important life lessons over the last few years.  

There is never an opportune time for a relationship.  You can't know what you are truly ready for if you don't try and give it your 100%.  That 100% might change based on the other demands you have going on in your life, but it is better to give all you've got than to be left wondering in a few weeks, months, years what if?

I have been trying to think of an analogy of what dating is like, my friend today explained it best like this.  When you take a kid to the Children's Museum there are so many things that capture their attention in each room.  Every child has different likes and dislikes, but you are in this amazing place why would you want to sit stuck in the same room the entire day when there is the rest of the museum out there to explore.  So as parents we guide our children into the next room, the kids don't always go willingly to the next room, sometimes they kick and scream or run back into the room where they were playing because it is just so much fun and they don't know what awaits them in the next room.  Once the kid gets into the next room they realize that there is in fact something just as wonderful and grand, if not even better waiting for them there.  Once again, we don't know if we allow our fear to take over or we are waiting for the perfect circumstances.

Having trust in people is an issue for me.  It is hard for me to know when what I'm being told is in fact what is really going on in relationships.  I am thankful for loving counselors and friends who help me figure out life and to continue having faith in the greater good.

In school I've been learning about classical conditioning.  I feel that I'm currently fighting tooth and nail against many of the conditioned responses that I have learned through out my life.  I'm hoping to help my boys learn and know that there are people in their lives who will be there no matter what.  I am grateful to know that no matter what though I have a loving Heavenly Father who is only a prayer away.

Dating

All weekend I have been lost in thoughts of dating.  No one tells you that you will make a new best friend after you date for awhile, they also don't tell you that you might fall in love (which is terrifying to me) and that it still might end....

Here are some of my quotes I have found interesting on dating.

In its purest form, dating is auditioning for mating (and auditioning means we may or may not get the part).

JOY BROWNE, Dating for Dummies

Successful dating is not a destination, but rather it is a journey. This journey can either continue as marriage or friendship.

NOAH MITCHELL, The Nitty Gritt

Dating isn't fun. It's not always awful, mind you, and sometimes your date will do something unexpected and lovely, like open the door for you and pretend that he likes cats. But the most valuable reason to embark upon a dating spree is for the wisdom--and the great stories.

LAURIE PERRY, Crazy Aunt Purl's Home Is Where the Wine Is

From the minute we're born, boys and girls stare at each other, trying to figure out if they like what they see. Like parade lines, passing each other for mutual inspection. You march, you look. You march, you look. If you're interested, you stop and talk, and if it doesn't work out, you just get back in the parade. You keep marching, and you keep looking.

PAUL REISER, Couplehood

Always remember this: 'A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses'.”

JOHN LENNON

Every great love starts with a great story

NICHOLAS SPARKS

And with because of honesty and no secrets, I am thrown back into the dating pool one less friend in this world.  It seems as though it is impossible to still be friends when both people are still attracted to one another - I learned this the last time.  I am grateful for all that I have learned and for keeping my priorities in check.  My boys mean the world to me and I am glad to have them to focus on and take care of.  I am also grateful for the distraction of school.  What has surprised me out of all of this is that I am not hurting like I thought I would.  I had already done my own internal assessment of the situation and was at peace with where things stood.  And so yet again I have lost someone who has become an integral part of my life, but I am grateful for the time I got and the important life lessons that I learned.  Life must go on!  The last 6 months have been some of the most fun experiences I have had in years.  I don't feel I have truly found myself still post divorce, but I am well on my way!

Ft. Sam Houston

Saturday we were able to go see my cousin who is down here for training in the Army. I haven't seen her in years, but she figured out a few parks on post that we were able to go to and it was Octoberfest so the boys were able to pay some carnival games and ride a few rides.  Hyrum was thrilled to be able to play football with a few of the soldiers and surprised them with his strong arm.

Driving past this cemetery was very humbling. There were rows upon rows of headstones with nothing but numbers engraved on them.  The spirit there was very neat.

Hyrum enjoys a good game of tag, he talked Sierra into playing with him even though it was burning hot and had a great time.

One of the 2 formations we watched that day, the soldiers are not allowed to go off post during this training yet so they call roll twice a day to make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be.

We all had a wonderful, relaxing day and enjoyed all the time that we got to spend with Sierra.  I remember being in 11th grade watching her play in the ball pits when she was in kindergarten.  Now here I am all these years later with my own little kids.  I feel old.   :)  Sierra will finish up her training here on Halloween then will go home for 2 weeks before she is deployed to Korea for a year.  As we were driving away the boys kept asking when we would get to go back and see her again.  Today as well they asked when we could see her.  I am sure if we could figure out a way they would love to eat dinner with her nightly.  Thanks Sierra for supporting our freedom and being a positive role model to my boys!!