Dreams

It is interesting how life works sometimes.  I love seeing the hand of the Lord in my life.  I do not always understand it, but I am thankful for normal people and events that happen in my life!

Last night I started planning a quick trip to Utah for this weekend and changed my mind right before hitting purchase.  I realized I could plan an even better trip if I was just patient and didn't make a sporadic decision.  I could get to travel with Heidi and make it to one of my dream destination locations since I was a teenager.  I have been hearing and seeing many people getting to go to Machu Picchu already this summer.  For the same cost as my last minute trip to Utah with my airlines miles I should be able to squeeze in this same trip with advance planning.

I have tried to figure out how to not go crazy during the month of July being kid free.  I am trying to plan ahead like I usually do.  I know I am going to miss my boys like crazy!  My plans don't always pan out the way I like them to, but it doesn't stop me from continuing to make them.  

I need to stop focusing on what could have been and what still can be in the future.  I know that I was given in my life what I needed at the time.  Healthy, safe, affectionate, admirable, peaceful.  The example that was set for me is a precedence of what I will look for in the future.  I have learned a tremendous amount about myself in the last 2 months while dating Brian.  Sometimes we do not understand why things work out or don't work out the way they do.  But today I am sad but so extremely thankful.  Thankful for ordinary.  Thankful for comfortable.  Thankful for honesty.  Thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and my needs.  I know why I have had what I have had.  I am not forgotten about, I am loved.

The "game" of dating is a strange one.  It is hard for me.  In dating these days you have to have a sensor.  Having a sensor is hard after being married for so long.  It is a definite mental switch.  I enjoy dating but not so much when things don't work out.  And life is real and I am back in the swing of things and looking for someone new that might catch my eye.

And so even when I wanted to feel like Kaden I can't.  I enjoy smiling and laughing so much.  I love living life and meeting new people who come into it.  I am blessed and not forgotten about!  Now I also can focus on myself and my boys again and not be too distracted (in theory at least).

Never give up on good dreams, the second you stop fighting for them, you've lost all hope.