Thoughts on Divorce

As I am going through this divorce process I have learned some very important things about people and what not to and what to say. Of most importance is:

NEVER state that you have never liked the person other party in a divorce - you never know if the other person is still in love with them even though you have been hurt you still believe in forgiveness.  You know that the fight is not over and people can change and things can still work out if the other party is willing.  If someone lets you know that they are ok, believe them!  Strength comes from having a great support network around in prayers and going to the Temple. I did nothing wrong, I really might be doing ok! I have not given up!  There are still so many wonderful things in my life that bring me JOY.

Do follow the promptings to call someone. A phone call is much more personal that a text message or email. Maybe that person just needs to hear a friendly voice. If they don't answer, don't think it doesn't mean they don't want to talk to you but instead they might be being a single parent or on the phone with their attorney or just trying to figure out how they are going to pay their bills for the month.  It is a big adjustment to being married to being separated on the road to divorce.

Meals brought in are actually a good idea. Stress makes people not want to eat as much sometimes but they need that energy and just to know others are thinking about them.  Even better if the friend wants to stay for dinner and is willing to share their own struggles and problems. My problems might be big, but they are not the end of the world, we talked about you when we would get together before, it's ok for me to hear about your life now too.  Your problems are big for you, and I realize that. I like our friendships to go both ways.

When you know the kids are out on a weekend with their dad, it's ok to invite a person out to do something. Even if you think it's just to the store together, after years of having kids around all the time, the quietness sometimes leads to being depressed. Sad thoughts are normal to have through a time like this, but one does not need to dwell on those sad times, drowning in ones sorrows never gets anyone anywhere!

"Stick and stones can break my bones when aimed with angry hearts, and words can sting like anything, but silence kills the heart." If we were occasional talking friends before and you know this is going on, why ignore me now when I really need you? Am I poisoned now just because someone else has quit and given up on me?  A true friend steps in when the rest of the world steps out.


I am sure there is more, but this is what stands out to me right now that I want to share.  I am truly thankful for those who have kindly reached out to me through all this going on with Kyle and I.  My kids notice and appreciate it too. We are moving on with life, we are still laughing each new day, we are still great people.  I will get through this, I will be ok, and I am forever grateful to those whom have stepped up at a phone calls notice and taken the kids or given me a blessing or just called to say hi how are you doing. This is my new life, I will still be living it once the initial shock period wears off.  I will endure to the end. I have to, I must, it's who I am and what I stand for.  Thanks again for everything!  The holidays are hard, but we will still enjoy them - alone - for that is what Kyle has chosen for all of us when he thought he was just choosing for himself.