Teach them by Example

This year Christmas time has been crazy.  I did not know what to expect, so had no real expectations, other than to enjoy my kids any chance that I got.  Part of the standard custody arrangement in Texas is that the time is split. Like I said in my last post, Kyle had the boys the first week. I will not comment on that week because I am currently ordered by a court to not comment on the status of Kyle & I's relationship on social media - this blog being included in that.  But I do want to share with you an important lesson on giving, the importance of putting children's needs before my own, and to ask for some advice.

Let me begin by saying, I LOVE CHRISTMAS!  I love the surprise, the paper, the ribbons, the lights, the decorations, the spirit of giving and most importantly serving!  With all the craziness going on the last thing on my mind is on taking my boys Christmas shopping for their Dad.  But you know what, I did it and it didn't kill me and they had fun wandering through Dillard's hiding in the racks of shirts and giggling with one another.  Hyrum helped them pick out some pretty great shirts and a pair of shoes.  They enjoyed being out spending time thinking about what their Dad wanted when they were not with him.  We went home and wrapped everything up so on one of their visits (or as Kaden calls them - camping trips) they brought their gifts over.  They were super excited!  That made the (to me) dreadful trip worth it!

Now fast forward to a week before Christmas and my boys - mainly Hyrum asking me what I want and to have me make a list.  So I obliged even though Christmas lists are not my forte. I really struggle with coming up with a list, but the last few years I have done it.  Hyrum packed the list up in his bag with his book and was with Kyle for the week.  I didn't ask him about his gift to me on Friday other than was he allowed to go to the store and pick something out. He quietly responded yes.  I thought he was just trying to keep it a secret and I love the surprise of opening up presents so left it alone.

Fast forward to Christmas. The best gift I received was my kids being dropped off an hour early!  After being gone from them for so long and only the brief phone call a day while they were distracted by video games and movies, I missed my kids. It was the best present I needed but didn't even know it would be the best gift until later!  We opened up gifts with my family, who patiently waited - even my brothers 3 kids - for Hyrum, Kaden, & Quinten to arrive.  It was fun watching my kids around the room get excited and hold things up and ooh and aah about what everyone gave them.  This year they were definitely spoiled.  Luckily Kaden got the long asked for "iphone 4s" really an ipod touch and Hyrum the same. Quinten got his new bike that was not handed down and doesn't have a wobbly front wheel.  He didn't want to get off the bike to open the rest of the presents. He was content for the afternoon with that. The other kids helped Tin Tin open up his gifts and would show them to him.  

So after watching my kids, I opened up my gifts with Hyrum watching me. He wanted to make sure I saw my gift from each of them. Before I opened them he apologized to me about not being able to get me anything I wanted but wanted to make sure I knew I love him.  He said he was sorry he hadn't thought to bring his own money to buy me the book he knew I really wanted.  He said that he was only allowed to shop at the dollar store that sells junk that breaks when you play with it - he said he knew because he had received a gun that morning that broke after just a few shots.  He had peeked my interest, what really was going to be inside the gift bag.  So I quickly thought in my mind that I would be excited no matter what and opened the bag.  Inside was Dollar store pink fluffy socks and hand soap.  Inside the other boys gift bags were thin white socks and a revolving picture frame that was already broken inside.  I hugged him huge and asked him how did he know we would need more soap to be able to wash our hands so we wouldn't get sick.  He ran to put it in the bathroom.

Later on that day I joked with my sisters I guessed that if it was about dollar amounts that I had taken care of the next 30 years for my kids and don't need to give anything else.  But then I thought about it in my head, my boys do need to give, and to give gifts that they feel they don't need to apologize for in advance.  As much as I don't want to do it and I don't want to spend what little money I have on someone whom I don't love anymore, it is my responsibility to teach them to think about others wants and needs. 

This evening we went to the store and I let Hyrum pick out the book he wanted to get me.  He saw that I got a new phone case and was excited for me to get that off my list as well.  Tonight when he went to bed he let me know that he was happy that I got a few things off my Christmas wish list as well. He said that was the best part of his day.

And so my question for you my divorced or friends of divorced people is this, do I have someone besides their Dad take them shopping for me and send the list that way?  How do you do gift giving for birthdays too?  I am turning 30 on February 18th and I really don't need anything, but at the same time it is nice to receive something which has a little bit of thought put into it and is not just something that will be thrown out at the end of the day or that breaks in the first few times of being used.  

I know that it is the right thing to take my kids to a normal store and buy something that will last.  Even if the lesson of putting the kids needing to learn to give before my own feelings, I will do it. They need to learn the importance of thinking of others. I am not complaining about what I was given, really the best gift I could have been given was free and the time. I just don't want to have unreal expectations and am trying to figure this out before the next event coming up.  Help?!?

I am so thankful for the many people who have reached out to me this week while I don't have my kids. It's amazing the little projects I have been able to get done and new experiences I've had. As much as I love my kids and wish to be with them I have learned a lot about myself and who I am and what I stand for. It's weird going to stores and not chasing down a kid or two in the toy aisles or having to take unneeded treats from my basket. But I am enduring just as my kids are and am super excited for 2pm Sunday to roll around and have a week of uninterrupted crazy boy time. We are going to get new family pictures taken, try some new activities together, and hopefully find a pool to go swimming. Life isn't about the things it's about how we choose to spend our time. And I am definitely not going to spend it in front of electronics all the time and keep making memories with my boys. It's neat watching them try new things and getting nervous and excited watching each other. Quinten turned 2 on the 18th. His birthday deserves a post all of its own. Tomorrow my friends, tomorrow.

It is amazing to me how many people are worried about their "good name" when other people state what they are doing, yet they are not worried about their actions ruining their own good name. I'm just saying!

Today has been an emotional, adrenaline filled day. This morning around 2am my older sister Heather totaled her car near Sonora Texas. She was driving here to move in with me and help me with the boys.  Between all of our appointments I need someone steady for the next few weeks to help me make sure everyone gets where they need to when they need to.  So along with going to counseling and court this week we now get to add car shopping to the mix.  I am just glad that she didn't get hurt more than a few bruises!

Tonight once getting back home safe and getting everyone to bed I had a major task I needed to complete.  I am in the process of going through everything in the house and making sure that when we have to move out of the house that we have gotten rid of everything that we don't need or is Kyle's-getting it to him.  The job this week was to go through all the boys baby clothes. I can now say after 3 hours that I am done. I have pulled out the ones that are memorable to me and dividing up the rest for friends with littler boys who will wear them and enjoy them.  This is emotionally hard for me because I had a miscarriage on October 15th.  After trying for 9 months the excitement and planning for a new baby to join our family amidst all the craziness going on between Kyle & I really wears on me.  How did I not see this all happening?  I feel like so stupid looking back.  But, I guess this kid just needed to be here for a short time enough to gain a body no matter how small he/she was.  These clothes would have been passed on if it was a brother but I will have to wait until I die to find out.  Instead I am grateful for friends who have active little boys who will enjoy them and I will still get to smile as I recognize the familiar outfits.  Clothes and material possessions don't bring happiness, happiness comes from within and living and keeping the commandments.  It will bring a little smile to my face as I get to remember the good times when I see them.  In every bad situation comes something good, I know it!

**If I get married and have kids again, I can start over with the clothes, they really are just things!**

Pictures

 Quinten has thought that this glove is his dad for the last month.  This weekend he gave it up and hid the glove, we have yet to find it and he has taken to a hot wheels motorcycle.

My kids love painting or coloring on themselves. They also love being in as little amounts of clothing as possible.

Kaden is getting into building tall towers with legos. He wants to put them on his dresser when he is done building them and checks on them every day.  He is learning colors and matching in school and is also quite a perfectionist which is pretty interesting to learn about him.

Grateful

Today I am grateful for the unexpected extra time with my boys.  I love the way they are each others best friends. Happily playing one moment then driving each other up the wall until one accidentally gets hurt then how they swoop in and try to make everything all better again.  

I love how Quinten, now sleeping in a big boy bed, taps the extra pillow in his bed and says "Mom sw-eep!" Then flashes me his grin and his eyes light up because he knows he can get me to snuggle him for a few minutes.  He has my eyes.  They are the greenest green and full of joy and light.  I love his adventurous soul.  He is afraid of nothing.  He knows that sometimes stealing toys from his brothers will land him being hit, but he does it anyways and braces for the moment. He doesn't care, he wants to be big like the other 2 and is fighting mighty hard to fill the shoes of an almost 2 year old.

I love how when it is time for bed that Kaden wants to tell me everything about his day and ask questions about the craziest topics I didn't know he even knew about. I love that he knows that everything great comes from Jesus Christ and he is not afraid to let you know that he knows.  He is quite the little missionary at 3 1/2.  His teacher at school tells me that he teachers her his church lessons during their one on one time.  I love that he sometimes pushes the boundaries to see if he will be lassoed back in or if he will be allowed to fun wild and free for awhile.

I love Hyrum and enjoy how he knows if he picks a book that I like that we haven't read for awhile that he can suck me into reading for longer than I usually might.  We have fun reading together and I love that I can "accidentally" read the wrong word and know that he is following along and will correct me.  He is a smart boy and is always up for adventure and travel. He might want a movie to watch until he gets there and once we get there he might complain a little but but afterwards he talks about the memories he has made and the fun that he has had. If he is lucky enough to do something by himself he usually wants to be able to bring his brothers back with him.  I also enjoy watching him grown up and realizing that girls are not so bad after all and that right now he would prefer to play with a friend who is a girl than a friend who is a boy because "she just is better!"

Being a Mother is not a gift that everyone on this Earth gets.  It truly is a gift, it is real and I am thankful every day that I have these 3 crazy boys to call mine!

Quinten Update

Today Quinten still wasn't acting like his usual self. He was laying all over me and not wanting to play even with his favorite toys. So I called the pediatrician's office and got him in. It turns out that the antibiotics were not working at all and he now has double ear infections, tonsillitis, and bronchitis.  I am hoping that the new medicines they have him on work and that he gets feeling better sooner than later!  Once again my friends all came to the rescue picking up kids from school for me.  I am so glad that my sister Heather will be here the start of next week to help again. It is amazing how often I have needed an extra set of hands. You take for granted the extra help when it is around.  Not anymore, now I realize it really does take a village to raise 3 boys!