Sacrifice

I have never had a problem with sacrificing and putting my kids before myself, it's just something that I do.  Right now I am struggling though.... Hyrum has a few simple wishes for his baptism and not because the requests are physically difficult, but instead emotionally like ripping a band aid off an almost healed wound do I hesitate.  Tonight though I said a quick prayer, sang one of my favorite primary songs, swallowed my own pride and followed through.  I have reached out to a woman & her kids whom I have never met nor ever imagined would be a part of my life.  The invitation to the baptism has been extended and it's not up to me whether or not they show up.  I will smile because I am happy and I love my life.  I will honor my sons wishes because he wants to be a missionary & because it is the right thing to do.  I want to be a good example to my boys of making right choices even though they are not the choices we would choose if we were left to our own devices.  I will pray for extra strength and peace when (if) I meet a family on Saturday whom I never would have imagined would be connected to me in a round about way.  Life is real and though I the last few weeks am wondering again what is it I am supposed to be learning through all of this?  I will press on because why look back at what was and instead be excited for what is to come!

Hyrum is smarter than an 2nd grader and a reminder to me of what life is about. I am proud to be his mother and to admit that on this topic my boys are teaching me how to act and to have peace with life.

And now I will go cry, because as much as I am ready to be through I am still human full of emotion and love for my son!  Who wouldn't be after going to open house at school and getting a look at his family picture.  Look at the sun big and huge in the sky and my cautioning him to get down out of the tree. He knows me well!

Fixed

There used to be a witching hour in my house every day, my mom friends know about it. The hours after school between say 4-5:30ish.  The hours where I have been doing things all day long and am tired and exhausted and just want some peace and quiet and a chance to go to the bathroom my myself. The time when I should be preparing dinner but am often times clueless about what to make. Then when I think of an idea that sounds good to me and won't get too many complaints from my children, only to realize I am an ingredient short so I procrastinated dinner even longer.  Yes that is the time. The time that is too late to give the boys a snack because they won't eat their dinner and too late to put down those who really need a nap because then it would be a struggle putting them to bed at night.

Well, that time is gone from here now. The difference is not in my boys and the way they act. It is instead in me and the way I react to their behaviors. I am no longer waiting for someone to come home to rescue me! I know my break now comes at bedtime, which I moved much much earlier!  My kids are not anxiously awaiting anyone hoping to play. Our current routines are our new normal and we are settling into them.

It is funny how kids adapt so quickly to changes in their lives. Something that has taken me a solid eight months to really grasp. A friend told me that time heals all wounds.... I am not so sure that I agree with that statement so much.  I think that the time allows us to process what our new normal is but it's not the time so much that does the healing, it's that desire within one self.