Teach them by Example

This year Christmas time has been crazy.  I did not know what to expect, so had no real expectations, other than to enjoy my kids any chance that I got.  Part of the standard custody arrangement in Texas is that the time is split. Like I said in my last post, Kyle had the boys the first week. I will not comment on that week because I am currently ordered by a court to not comment on the status of Kyle & I's relationship on social media - this blog being included in that.  But I do want to share with you an important lesson on giving, the importance of putting children's needs before my own, and to ask for some advice.

Let me begin by saying, I LOVE CHRISTMAS!  I love the surprise, the paper, the ribbons, the lights, the decorations, the spirit of giving and most importantly serving!  With all the craziness going on the last thing on my mind is on taking my boys Christmas shopping for their Dad.  But you know what, I did it and it didn't kill me and they had fun wandering through Dillard's hiding in the racks of shirts and giggling with one another.  Hyrum helped them pick out some pretty great shirts and a pair of shoes.  They enjoyed being out spending time thinking about what their Dad wanted when they were not with him.  We went home and wrapped everything up so on one of their visits (or as Kaden calls them - camping trips) they brought their gifts over.  They were super excited!  That made the (to me) dreadful trip worth it!

Now fast forward to a week before Christmas and my boys - mainly Hyrum asking me what I want and to have me make a list.  So I obliged even though Christmas lists are not my forte. I really struggle with coming up with a list, but the last few years I have done it.  Hyrum packed the list up in his bag with his book and was with Kyle for the week.  I didn't ask him about his gift to me on Friday other than was he allowed to go to the store and pick something out. He quietly responded yes.  I thought he was just trying to keep it a secret and I love the surprise of opening up presents so left it alone.

Fast forward to Christmas. The best gift I received was my kids being dropped off an hour early!  After being gone from them for so long and only the brief phone call a day while they were distracted by video games and movies, I missed my kids. It was the best present I needed but didn't even know it would be the best gift until later!  We opened up gifts with my family, who patiently waited - even my brothers 3 kids - for Hyrum, Kaden, & Quinten to arrive.  It was fun watching my kids around the room get excited and hold things up and ooh and aah about what everyone gave them.  This year they were definitely spoiled.  Luckily Kaden got the long asked for "iphone 4s" really an ipod touch and Hyrum the same. Quinten got his new bike that was not handed down and doesn't have a wobbly front wheel.  He didn't want to get off the bike to open the rest of the presents. He was content for the afternoon with that. The other kids helped Tin Tin open up his gifts and would show them to him.  

So after watching my kids, I opened up my gifts with Hyrum watching me. He wanted to make sure I saw my gift from each of them. Before I opened them he apologized to me about not being able to get me anything I wanted but wanted to make sure I knew I love him.  He said he was sorry he hadn't thought to bring his own money to buy me the book he knew I really wanted.  He said that he was only allowed to shop at the dollar store that sells junk that breaks when you play with it - he said he knew because he had received a gun that morning that broke after just a few shots.  He had peeked my interest, what really was going to be inside the gift bag.  So I quickly thought in my mind that I would be excited no matter what and opened the bag.  Inside was Dollar store pink fluffy socks and hand soap.  Inside the other boys gift bags were thin white socks and a revolving picture frame that was already broken inside.  I hugged him huge and asked him how did he know we would need more soap to be able to wash our hands so we wouldn't get sick.  He ran to put it in the bathroom.

Later on that day I joked with my sisters I guessed that if it was about dollar amounts that I had taken care of the next 30 years for my kids and don't need to give anything else.  But then I thought about it in my head, my boys do need to give, and to give gifts that they feel they don't need to apologize for in advance.  As much as I don't want to do it and I don't want to spend what little money I have on someone whom I don't love anymore, it is my responsibility to teach them to think about others wants and needs. 

This evening we went to the store and I let Hyrum pick out the book he wanted to get me.  He saw that I got a new phone case and was excited for me to get that off my list as well.  Tonight when he went to bed he let me know that he was happy that I got a few things off my Christmas wish list as well. He said that was the best part of his day.

And so my question for you my divorced or friends of divorced people is this, do I have someone besides their Dad take them shopping for me and send the list that way?  How do you do gift giving for birthdays too?  I am turning 30 on February 18th and I really don't need anything, but at the same time it is nice to receive something which has a little bit of thought put into it and is not just something that will be thrown out at the end of the day or that breaks in the first few times of being used.  

I know that it is the right thing to take my kids to a normal store and buy something that will last.  Even if the lesson of putting the kids needing to learn to give before my own feelings, I will do it. They need to learn the importance of thinking of others. I am not complaining about what I was given, really the best gift I could have been given was free and the time. I just don't want to have unreal expectations and am trying to figure this out before the next event coming up.  Help?!?