Reflections

Right now it feels like my life is at the point you see in this picture. I am ready to branch out and pick which way I will take a log my path in life.  I am ready to be able to move on. I have feel like I have too many options to pick from these days and it is time that is holding me back. At least in my mind it feels that way. This weekend I choose to worry about myself and to keep myself going strong. 

As I went on a hike down the road from my brother's house in Austin, it was amazing to see the transformation that the recent rains have brought to the area.  Everything is green, there are flowers and the dry creek beds that 2 months ago were nothing but rocks now are flowing.  It was beautiful to see.

This is the same picture, just flipped. It's amazing what perspective does for the eyes.  On my hike I was thinking a lot about what I want. I had time to allow my mind to wander and to get lost in my own thoughts.  The weather was not too hot and it was so refreshing to ponder what I want to do for the next few years.

Nature is a beautiful thing.

Take time to realize that your hopes and dreams are worth it.  Follow your heart!

Saturday night I went out to go find that I gave up for a few years. I love music and I love people who are passionate about what they do.  I love taking pictures and capturing the magic of a night.  I got a new app on my phone that makes things look like they were recorded with an old 8mm video camera. Here is a glimpse into what I was able to experience.

The night was kid free and fun and a definite change from anything I have done in years for myself.  The lights, the cameras, the people, the night life.  It was fun, but when I was driving back up to my brothers at an hour that I haven't been out at for many years...something was missing.  My boys were not there to check on in bed, there was no one to hug at nights end and I crawled up with my blanket and pillow on a couch. I was never lonely in the sense that I was alone but lonely in the sense that this is the consequences of another person's choices.  I allowed myself to have these feelings for just a minute, then said a prayer of thanks knowing that I was never alone.  I always have had a friend on my side, Someone who knows my own needs better than I know my own.

I am grateful for a weekend to find myself again and to realize what is truly the most important thing to me.  One day there will be someone who introduces me to people and cares thinks about apologizing if they think the conversation might gets boring for me. They will help me smile all the time.  Someone who no matter how short or long it has been since I have seen them still loves me for me and is committed to me.

And I am enjoying dreaming and planning for the future, so that one day when I am able to start dating again and I meet someone who I think I am compatible with and they feel they are compatible with me, I might be willing to open my heart to them and trust.  One day all the rocks in my life will again be covered with an abundance of water and lush green plants and flowers all around.  If I am truly honest, I am scared because of past heartaches, but if I truly look at my life and what I know to be true, I know it will be worth it!

And now I must go to bed because spring break has done me in.  I don't know who is going to have a harder time come 6:30, the boys or me.  Let's hope it's none of us and we get this week started out right!

PS-I am all alone now. Heather after months of her help has moved back to her house. Also, Estella has moved back to Mexico because she missed her mom and dad.  I have been alone just under a week now watching the boys, and I think it is safe to say, I can do it!!  All 3 boys were bathed and tucked into their own beds after medicine (Kaden & Quinten are sick again) and some snuggles.